


The Path

by ellebellebab



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 17:25:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17430290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebellebab/pseuds/ellebellebab
Summary: Caleb gives him another one of those sad smiles, the kind that makes Caduceus simultaneously light up and feel dark, there's something heavy in that smile, like Caleb doesn't want to let himself feel it. Like he shouldn't.





	The Path

**Author's Note:**

> Can't stop thinking about Caduceus and his relationship with The Wildemother (also can't stop and won't stop spelling it as Wild(e)mother). 
> 
> Vaguely shippy, like there's definitely feelings there. 
> 
> I might add to this but for now it's one chapter of faith and feels.

Caduceus trusted the Wildemother, he knew unequivocally that she wouldn't send him on the wrong path, the warm breeze he feels now and again against his cheek and the soft tingle at the nape of his neck that comes on whenever he looks up to the sky and whispers a prayer to her is enough to let him know that what he's doing is the right thing. But the past few weeks had tested his faith and made him wonder why exactly she’d guided them to him in the very first place.   
  


They'd finally, blessedly, returned from the ocean and although it had grown on him in the end, whether that be because he had no other choice but to see it out due to being in the middle of the ocean at any given moment or because his friends had outweighed the salty, compressing depths below him, seeing land again filled him with a joy he had seldom felt before. 

The five or so minutes he spent on his knees with his cheek pressed against the dirt below him when he had the chance, inhaling the earthy smell and feeling the weight finally completely lift from his shoulders may have gotten him a strange look from Fjord and a knowing look from Nott but he couldn't bring himself to care, if he never saw another boat again he wouldn't be upset about it.

 

Jester's mother was happy to see them and beyond that to see Jester and he felt his heart swell as they hugged in front of him and his cheeks darken when Marion gave him a kiss on his cheek, her lips lingering next to his ear for a moment too long,

 

'It's good to see you dear' - her voice, so like Jesters but different, more lived in. 

 

They didn't stay for too long before retrieving their horses who Caduceus was glad to see were healthier than they'd ever been, and their cart and making their way for Felderwin even though the thought of moving back towards The Empire filled them all with a low sense of dread. Caduceus was confident though, could feel it when he sent a knowing stare towards the sky and watched as a bird soared above him, a feather falling gently downwards to land at his feet. 

 

That was all the encouragement he needed so he took the reigns and they made their way. 

 

One day when the sun was low in the sky and the thought of setting up camp had begun to cross his mind Jester slipped into the seat next to him. Her face was flushed from whatever game she'd been playing with Nott to keep the goblins mind off the fact that they were slowly making their way towards her past. 

 

'Caduceus?' she murmured after a few moments of soft silence between them. Caduceus hummed in her direction, looking into the tree lines for an appropriate place to stop.

 

'How do you know that you're doing the right thing all the time?', he tilts his head towards her and she continues.

'The Traveler, he does his best to take care of me if I need him of course and we talk whenever and he's like always there and he's the best obviously, but, he doesn't tell me if I'm going in the right direction all the time you know?' she looks slightly uncomfortable, he's noticed she does if she ever says something slightly controversial about The Traveler and he understands. It's difficult to question your faith and even more so if Jester actually sees The Traveler in the flesh as often as she does. 

 

'Do we ever really know anything for sure?' he pauses for a moment and pulls the horses towards a break in the trees that he'll be able to navigate the cart through. 'The Wildemother hasn't steered me wrong yet, so I've got to continue having faith in her I think. She led you guys to me so I think she's done a pretty good job so far.' he says with a smile, knocking his shoulder against hers. Her face lights up in turn before it turns slightly sombre.

 

'I hope we don't let her down' she worries her lip between her teeth and Caduceus can't help but beam at her.

 

'I doubt you could, everything happens for a  reason, or so it goes.' he shrugs and reigns the horses in on the edge of a decent sized clearing, the trees above providing a thick cover against the elements. He sits back and stretches his spine listening to it pop softly. 'Besides, I don't think the Wildemother sees things like that, I don't think any of us could let her down, as long as we're trying to get to where we're meant to be.' he smiles as Jester thoughtfully nods, her eyes looking at something far in the distance, he feels something brush against his leg and looks down to see Frumpkin snake his way past and off of the cart to the leafy brush below. 

 

'Well I hope that she is proud of you like The Traveler is proud of me. Is she lonely? Maybe we could set them up one day wouldn't that be crazy?!' her eyebrows waggle good naturedly at him and he can't stop himself from smiling as he tries to imagine exactly what that would entail. 

 

'I'll let her know she has options' he says as he hops down off the cart and joins the rest of his friends with setting up their camp for the evening. 

It's when he's steeping some tea over a soft fire, the party dying down and sorting out who'll take first watch that he notices Caleb watching him. His calculated eyes burning into him, the reflection of the fire etched into them so bright that his irises look black. He turns away quickly and puts his hand up for first watch. Everyone looks relieved at the prospect of getting some sleep after a long day on the road and make their way to their bedrolls a few feet away, Jester and Nott's voices the last to filter out as they whisper to each other about the day's events before eventually falling asleep. 

 

He's sipping his tea and blinking into the distance when he feels the soft presence of Frumpkin again rubbing up against him, he reaches out and scratches the cat behind the ear making a soft clicking sound with his tongue, as he does the fey lithely climbs up into Caduceus' lap, curling up into a ball and purring softly, seemingly asleep. Caduceus continues to pet his ears, feeling his body relax with the addition of the animal so close to him. 

 

'He likes you' he shouldn't have been surprised at Caleb's voice but he'll admit he hadn’t been entirely expecting it. He surveys the man as he sits down near him, crossing his legs with a soft groan and staring into the fire before them.

 

'I like him' Caduceus says with a shrug, looking at the wizard for a moment before leaning forwards, carefully so as not to upset the cat in his lap and pours a second steaming cup of tea, he hands it over to Caleb who with a wary look takes it with a small smile. He looks so young in the light that it makes Caduceus let out a soft breath, he thinks there might be a reason Caleb’s addicted to the firelight. 

 

'I couldn't sleep' Caleb shrugs, blowing on his tea before taking a cautionary sip.

 

Caduceus smiles and takes another sip of his own, looking once more to the distance 'It seems that way. The tea should help, I promise it's nothing too crazy, there's no one in it it's just from the normal ground.' the firbolg reaches a hand out to the dirt next to him and pulls up a mushroom that had sprouted in the short time he'd been sitting there, placing it into the pouch on his belt and smiling up at Caleb, 'Is there something on your mind, Mr Caleb? I'd be happy to help if I can'

 

Caleb gives him another one of those sad smiles, the kind that makes Caduceus simultaneously light up and feel dark, there's something heavy in that smile, like Caleb doesn't want to let himself feel it. Like he shouldn't. 

 

'Mr Clay, do you really think things happen for a reason?' his voice is soft and their eyes don't quite meet. Caduceus thinks back to when he was speaking with Jester and he looks down at the cat under his hand making the connection.

 

'You heard me speaking to Jester today?' he looks to Caleb who gives a noncommittal shrug but doesn't say anything else.

 

Caduceus drains the rest of his tea and takes a look at the bottom of the cup. The leaves don't jump out at him as any particular sign so he places it down on the ground below him and clears his throat. 

'There's a lot of reasons that I think that' he turns to look at Caleb and the man looks impossibly small. 'Is there any particular reason that you think otherwise?' and he grimaces when the mans head whips up to look at him quickly, incredulously, his mouth gaping open.

 

'Herr Clay I am sure some things happen due to forces beyond us but I am not entirely sure that all things do. Bad things happen all the time, people die who shouldn't, your home, it is corrupted, you think this is because of some divine reasoning? Your Wildemother would not want to put you through something like that would she?' his eyes are glassy and he seems to be almost pleading quietly with Caduceus for an answer. 

 

'I don't think The Wildemother intends for bad things to happen to me, I don't even think she's in charge of everything like you're alluding. I just believe everything that happens to us is for a reason, it's part of a bigger picture. The corruption of my home is terrible but everything has a cycle, just like life with a beginning and an end, perhaps the plant life around my home needed to be reset in a way.' Caduceus feels his heart tug a little as Caleb shakes his head and turns again towards the fire, his eyes wide and unseeing. 

 

'Things don't always have some greater meaning, sometimes they just happen, and then you live with that for the rest of your life.' he mutters the words, almost spitting them to the ground as though they could be buried there.

 

Frumpkin stirs and stretches before moving off of Caduceus and slinking over to Caleb, climbing up onto the man's shoulders like he has a thousand times before. Some of the tension leaves Caleb and he reaches a hand up to scratch his fey friend. Caduceus wonders how many times the cat has comforted Caleb before and how many times he’s sat up with his thoughts like he has tonight. His chest feels tight.

 

Caduceus smiles but it doesn’t feel right. 

 

'Mr Caleb, life isn't on some straight path, each decision we make doesn't have just one linear outcome, we aren't defined by our past or our future.' he turns his body so he can face the man and resists the urge to reach a hand out to provide some sense of comfort, he knows enough by now that the action alone could be a fatal cut in the thread he and Caleb have been weaving recently.

 

Caleb looks up at him, his face set and his brow hardened, 'I'm sorry herr Clay but life is not that complicated.' he sets his tea down, now cold and half filled before he stands up carefully, 'I hope you never have to know what I mean' he adds, before turning to leave to his bedroll once more. 

 

Caduceus frowns 'Mr Caleb, I don't want to assume I know what you're alluding to, it's not my place to pry and I certainly don't want to, but I do believe everything happens for a reason, I don't think it's due to any divine influence or is part of any greater intervention, but I do think it happens to teach us something. If the plants and the earth around my home weren’t hostile and dying, I wouldn't have been led to you. The direction I’m going in, it may not be pain free but it's the path I'm meant to be on I know that for sure.' He takes a deep steadying breath and he watches as Caleb's steps falter slightly. 

 

The wizard turned and made brief eye contact with Caduceus that same sad smile playing across his lips, 'I am glad you were led to us Caduceus, please make no mistake about that.' he turned back and started towards his bed again 'Goodnight, thank you for the tea.'

 

Caduceus watches him move over to his bedroll and lay down, Frumpkin curling up in a ball on his chest and he frowns his mind replaying the conversation back as though to find where he had messed up and upset Mr Caleb so. 

 

He wonders if he should have pried more maybe, found out about what is weighing Caleb down so heavily that he feels there isn't any hope because he wants to help him, Caduceus wants to unburden him of this weight. His thoughts are interrupted however by a gentle whisper in his ears a familiar voice softly reasurring him, 'You've planted the seed, that is all for now, you help more than you know' he smiles, The Wildemother's voice calming him and filling him with a warmth that floods from the centre of his chest and spreads to the rest of his body. 

 

'Okay' he murmurs, nodding his head and pouring himself some more tea before looking towards the dark woods once more, 'Sounds good to me.'

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback and criticism always more than welcome.  
> Also let me know if there's any huge mistakes as this one's barely edited!


End file.
